Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
