i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
