I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
