After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
