Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
