Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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