smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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