my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
