This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
