8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
