He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
