i already hear my dad disowning me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
