do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
