My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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