we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
