Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
