I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
