Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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