woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize