I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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