I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
