absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
