we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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