My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
