Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my poor anus
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
