wanna go halves on a baby?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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