i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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