Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
