Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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