I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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