I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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