If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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