I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize