And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
