I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
