I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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