Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
