careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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