i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
