And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
