Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
