he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
