apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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