I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
