WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
