There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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