the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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