Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
