When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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