I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize