I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
