Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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