I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
