Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
