smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
