I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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