Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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