Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
