i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
