What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
