What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
