I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
