I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
