hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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