Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
